Sunday, May 10, 2009

Out of Control

I feel like everything in my life is out of control right now. Like I am not making any decisions, and everything that is happening to me is because it is expected of me. Like my husband expecting me to go to our camp next weekend. Even though I told him I am not interested in going, and that I am absolutely okay with him going on his own. There are just too many black flies out, and while I could maybe tolerate them, I don't want to soak my daughter in bug juice so that she can go, too. Like having to go back to work in September, even though I want to stay home with my daughter. And like having to put her into a daycare so I can go back to work. I am terrified of not being there for her. Of missing things. Of her being harmed by her daycare provider. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. I don't think I can emotionally go back to work. I think it will make me physically ill. And I feel like my husband cares more about money than my emotional and physical well-being.

Just me,


1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is very hard to leave a child and go back to work. I have done it myself. I hope you find a solution that gets you back to the person you describe in your "about me" box.